Little “Seeds” of Hope

In the darkest of hours, a small beam of light will appear at the end of a long tunnel of pain, suffering, and sadness. Two choices lie before you: 1 – face this light, walk towards it, and let it grow into a beacon of hope and faith. Or 2 – turn your back on the light, shrouding yourself in darkness, the known place of suffering seeming safer than the unknown possibility of hope… of taking a leap of faith.

I experienced this very cross roads just last Saturday. I woke once again in deep, unrelenting pain, with a throbbing sadness in my heart for all that transpired over the previous 10 days.  I felt defeated. I felt lost. I wanted to move forward, but I didn’t know how. And, let’s face it, there was that part of me, as well, that wanted to stay stuck right where I was. I felt tired of “fighting,” of constantly pushing through the pain and misery. I witnessed others embracing this place and dwelling in it. And I actually saw benefits to this option.  The biggest of which would be that people would finally recognize, that just because I can see the beacon of light in the darkest of times, doesn’t mean that I don’t also experience pain, and disappointment, and suffering. They are not exclusive.

I had just settled into my comfy chair when the doorbell rang. Upon answering, I discovered an unexpected visitor on my porch.  A supportive friend and champion, she intuitively knew to take a moment out of her day to bring lightness into mine. She hadn’t intended to bother me, only wishing to leave a small package and note in my mailbox. But my mailman had foiled her plans, ringing the bell just before her arrival.

Exactly as it was meant to be.

Inside this “Delicate! Do not squish” package lay three, half-dollar size, oval seed pods. Transparent, with a little seed inside. Shake. Shake. My friend takes one and gently begins to coax this “seed” out. And lo and behold, it is not a seed after all!  It is this miraculous gift from the sea, the teeniest, tiniest conch shell I have ever laid eyes on (a mere 2-3 mm long!).

I gasp in surprise as my heart swells with wonder and awe.

She explains that upon discovering these years ago on the beach, she researched their origin, learning that conch shells are born by the thousands in connected translucent “cocoons” (often called a “Mermaid’s Necklace”). After a dozen years, they mature into the large conch shells we all covet finding on southern beaches.

Later, I researched them further and found that conch is also one of the Eight Auspicious Symbols of Buddhism and “represents the beautiful, deep, melodious, interpenetrating and pervasive sound of the Buddhadharma [“natural law”], which awakens disciples from the deep slumber of ignorance and urges them to accomplish their own welfare and the welfare of others.” (Wikipedia)

And that’s how I felt; as if I was awakening from a deep slumber of depression. And for the welfare of myself and others, I needed to face that beacon of light.

I was reminded of Helen Keller’s wise words: “Keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows.”

And the gift didn’t stop there; she nudged me to read her note …

“When I’ve been through tough times, I have trouble seeing anything besides my pain.  These [shells] can’t heal your suffering, of course, but I hope they remind you that the universe is full of joy and beauty and awe inspiring creations at the same time.  I hope you find moments where you can access that joy.  Please know that, even in your toughest times, you yourself are a source of joy, inspiration and an example of how beautiful God’s creations are to me and to countless others.”

I felt shaken awake. Flashes of beauty and moments of grace began to pass through my mind and heart. Just in the past week, during the period of my deepest pain, I was gifted access to that Universal Joy; I had not fully shut down. There was a crack in my soul just waiting to be re-opened. And, here was an unexpected angel, pushing her way through!

Her words brought welcomed tears and memories of past experiences where life and death, beauty and sadness coexisted in my life. I shared with her another time of deep sadness, when my mother in law collapsed suddenly from invading cancer and passed away 10 days later. My husband and I rushed back from Boston and never left her side. During this time, we would find ourselves sitting outside at the hospital staff picnic table, all hours of the day, situated right outside the birthing center. As my beloved second mother was lying 7 floors above in hospice, we were witnessing couples and families rushing in to bring new life into the world just below her.

And we couldn’t help but feel peace in the light of God’s grace, the universal cycle of life and energy.

There is no pleasure without pain.

There are two sides to every coin.

I made a choice on Saturday to walk towards the light.  This does not mean that my pain, or frustration, or anger, or sadness are gone.  It just means I no longer give them permission to consume my life.

I am actively seeking out moments of grace, of joy, of hope, and of healing. These are the foundation blocks to my continued survival.

I did not arrive at this conclusion alone. Because my “God” wears skin; meaning I see the God in you as I see the God in myself. And when that spirit knocks on my door, I am choosing to answer it.

I am choosing to let the light in.

Finding New Avenues of Joy: What’s Your Machu Picchu?

Finding new avenues of joy… several months ago I randomly (perhaps not so “random” after all!) had the T.V. on during a Good Morning America segment on the NFL player, Steve Gleason.  He’s a New Orleans Saints’ hero whose life has changed, all because of the devastating disease, ALS (Lou Gherig’s).  Yet, he does not view his life as a devastation… when told he needed to “prepare himself to die,” his first and only thought was, “I am going to prepare to live!”

Although it has been 6 months since I first viewed this stunning story, it has never strayed far from my thoughts.  I’ve wanted to share it with others, but until today, have not been able to “find” it on the internet.  For a while, I thought perhaps it had been one vivid, prophetic dream!

Then I awoke this morning thinking of “bucket lists,” and once again, the empowering tale of this man came to mind.  I began my futile searching again, but this time I must have strung together the right combination of words, because it appeared at the very top of my search results.  I have faith that there is a reason today was the day I finally re-discovered this tale of strength, perseverance, and above all, JOY.

The idea of creating an annual “Bucket List” has been tumbling around my daily thoughts.  Not sure if I wanted to jump on this trendy bandwagon, I have resisted this idea.  Yet, there is something so appealing about following others yearly journeys as they check things off their bucket list.  As I read others, I am surprised and, admittedly, intimidated by the audacity of their goals.  My mind immediately goes to all the reasons why this will not work for me… all my limitations: not enough money, not enough time, not enough physical well-being, on and on and on!

I think, why set myself up for failure?  But then there is that little intuitive voice that never steers me wrong saying, “why not set yourself up for success?”  Each bucket list is a personal endeavor; it can be shaped to fit my unique set of circumstances, needs, and dreams.  By setting goals, I will be more apt to make a game-plan to make them happen.  By writing down my annual hopes and dreams, I will be setting my intention with the Universe.

And so I’ve begun to toy with what my 2014 Bucket List will look like.  For example, I have a deep desire to dance once again.  It would be unrealistic for me to set a goal of dancing the Suite of the Sugar Plum Fairy en pointe, like I did when I was 18, healthy and fit!  But, I am graced with living in a community that encourages creativity in people of all ages and abilities.  Dance studios and open-classes have exploded over the last few years, now including an abundance of opportunities for the community to engage in a wide variety of dance styles, at all levels.  I’ve begun by getting out and experiencing these offerings as a patron.  And I have been proud to support and celebrate these burgeoning endeavors.

But now it’s time for me to get off my audience seat and onto the stage.  But, what does this mean for me?  I am not blind to my limitations, but I am not going to let those stop me either!  As Steve Gleason so eloquently puts it in this interview…

“I now search for new avenues of joy.  With each loss, [I] have worked to find a beautiful replacement.”

And my dance replacement looks something this… finding a way to move my body in a fluid and free-form motion.  I am drawn to Caribbean styles, where the dancers of all ages, sizes, shapes and abilities are smiling from ear to ear as they engage the music fully.  There is a freedom and openness to this style that is very appealing to me. And, Volia!… I have the first item on my bucket list!

This is the beauty of creating this list annually.  Now that I have set this goal (my intention), I am already developing a plan of action in my head. First step?: researching studios and open-dance nights.  And that’s all I have to worry about for now… just taking that first step.  Taking the risk to say, “I am worth it.”

I will not allow my physical limitations to limit my ability to experience joy!  My Bucket List may look a helluva lot different than the ones floating around the web.  But, I choose to use those as inspiration… not as a point of comparison and feeling “less than.”

If anything, the most intimidating “list” I’ve seen is Steve’s.  Once his diagnosis was delivered, he made the conscious choice to always have something to look forward to.  His most recent goal and accomplishment?.. climbing to the top of Machu Picchu!!  How on earth does someone without the use of their physical body climb Machu Picchu, you ask?  He does not do it alone!!!  And, to me, that is one of the best legacies he can pass on to others.  Not only that he “chooses to focus on the beauty of now,” but that he relies on the love and support of others to achieve his goals.

My Bucket List is not going to be a singular endeavor.  The goals and dreams will come from my inner soul, but the steps to achieving them will be paved by the love of my friends and family.

I would like to offer the same gift back to you: to be your support and cheerleader in any way needed as you create and then implement your 2014 Bucket List!  In the coming weeks, I will slowly unveil my own list as it evolves.  And I hope you will take the journey with me as I check off the items in the coming year.

Please share your bucket wishes, too.  For inspiration comes from without.  And without all of you, I would be lost.

I encourage you to take just 5 minutes of your time to watch the GMA interview with Steve Gleason.  I dare you not cry. I dare you not to smile. I dare you not to come away inspired!

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/steve-gleason-embraces-challenges-lou-gehrigs-disease-battle-121402622.html

It All Began With a Beacon of Hope

“I feel this little light inside me.”

“That is your Soul Beacon, my child.”

“A beacon?”

“Exactly.  You carry yours with great brightness.  It is how I found you.”

She sits with this thought for a while, twirling a blade of grass. Looking up shyly, she ventures, “I think I understand.  I can feel this glow inside of me, in the deepest pit of my spirit.  And when I think of this light, I can picture a lantern guiding my way through happy times and sad.  Is this like the light you call my Soul Beacon?”

“Why, yes.  Can you imagine why I think of it as something grand such as a beacon instead of a lantern?”

“Well… a lantern usually just lights one person’s path while a beacon can be a light to many.”  She pauses to gather her thoughts.  “And my Soul Beacon, as you say, sometimes feels grand enough to light the entire world, but then other times, it feels weakened.  As if it may even go out.  But, when I use this tiniest bit of energy to reach out to another being, I feel it start to grow again, bringing with it an unknown warmth of serenity.”

“YES.  So wise, yet so young.  Your body belies your true spiritual age.  I shouldn’t be surprised; the spirit is with each of us to see and feel when we are ready.”

His gnarled hand cups the young girl’s with tenderness. “That warmth and glow you feel is your true Life Source.”

“I feel it.  I truly do.”

“I can tell, dear one.  Your Soul Beacon may flicker, but it will never go out.  Many become fearful when they sense the depletion of their Beacon.  Without stopping to reflect on what’s happening, they begin to hoard what little light they have left.  Greed and fear rule their every move.”

“But, that’s no way to live!  How very lonely.”

“Don’t fret; that’s the glory of our Soul Beacons.  You can use your special gift to spread the light to others in need.”

“Gift?”

“Yes.  For without realizing it, you are touching every being you meet.  You are spreading your gift from heart to heart.”

“How do I know if it’s working?”

“The proof is in the result.  Think of someone you’ve met who seemed down and defeated; their energy depleted; their hope lost.”

Looking off at the arriving sunset, she sees the face of the farmer in the blazing riot of reds in the Western sky.  “Yes, I remember now.  I’ve met a farmer who had lost his wife; all he wished was to lie down in his fields and give his life back to the Earth.”

“And do you remember what happened during your visit with this farmer?”

The girl retells the story of her chance encounter with the lonely man.  “As we were talking, I slowly experienced a change in his entire demeanor.  His body began to unfurl from the protectively curled stance I first found him in.  He started to lean in to me instead of away.  Shadows of a smile graced his lips.  And he thanked me for spending some time with him and reminding him of all the reasons he needs to stay here and continuing living, no matter how hard.”

“And, you, how did you feel?”

“Well, I couldn’t understand why he was thanking me.  I hadn’t done much; I just talked with him for a while. I felt like thanking him.  At that moment, I felt beaten down by my journey; I was bone tired and couldn’t see any end in sight.  And then I met the farmer, and my journey had purpose again.  I left with a spring in my step.”

“Young one, when we take our light and shine it on others, they are bathed in our Energy.  Through caring gestures and pure human interaction each of us has the ability to recharge our depleting light sources; our Soul Beacons.”

“So, that’s all it takes?  Just showing some compassion to another being will re-build their energy, recharge their Soul Beacons?”

She pauses and ponders on this.  It still seems so simple.  And then, she sees.  “Ah, it seems like actions we should all be taking naturally.  But, in today’s world, everybody’s heads are down, looking at their own small space.  But, if we look forward, into the eyes of another, we not only validate their existence, we are validating our own!  And, it’s when we feel the most vulnerable and weak, that we have to reach out.  Otherwise, we all are just walking shells of what we are truly meant to be!”

“Now, it’s your job to spread this message from one person to the next as you continue on your journey of life.  The brighter your Soul Beacon becomes, the more people will be attracted to you.  Use this not to gain power over others, but to spread your energy out like a spider web, each tendril touching and igniting a Soul Beacon lying dormant within another.”

“Shine on, young one, shine on.”

Withdrawal is Necessary

A startled fawn
Captured at dawn
Grazing upon our city lawn

In the quiet,

        The messages come

Like shy woodland creatures

        Just waiting to emerge from

                The shadows of their withdrawal

 

Insight and courage

        Dance wind on the mind

Hidden hopes and dreams

        Of the deeper kind

                Find safety in your open arms

 

Together you celebrate

        On the lush, vibrant banks

It’s the River of Grace

        That you should truly thank

                For delivering these gifts of God

 

But without the space

        And quiet… and solitude

You would not have heard

        These shifts in moods

                That herald in your own creativity

 

Nurture the fox

That rest and hides

In the deep, hidden

Crevices of your mind

Just waiting to emerge

To coalesce and converge

        From the shadows of your withdrawal

• Quiet is necessary… withdrawal is necessary
• It is so easy to fill our day with distractions.  Anything to keep us from dwelling on our physical pain, mental pain, to-do lists, “if-only lists,” thoughts of disappointment or loss, and all the other uncomfortable places our mind and body will go.  Right?
• I am discovering there is a difference between “being alone” and spending time “alone with ourselves”… in silence.
• I am often “alone” but I will have some external distraction, whether it is music, the T.V., a book… anything to keep my mind “busy!”
• I have now started to incorporate the practice of silent periods in to my day.
• It doesn’t have to be a long period of time. 5-10 minutes a day is plenty.
• Think of this as a gift to yourself.
• Quiet time to listen.  To hear what your heart’s desires are. To sit with feelings of grief of loss.  To feel your feelings, whatever they are. To follow your intuitive voice or the voice of God.
• This time of withdrawal can be a period of contemplation, meditation, prayer.
• Creativity comes when we gives ourselves pause to hear inspiration.
• This silent time may feel uncomfortable at first.   That’s okay.  It takes time for a our minds to settle into this space.
• It helps me to focus on something: my breathing (4 counts in, 4 counts out), on tightening and relaxing each muscle in my body until I am at peace, or on a one word mantra:
• This morning I used the word “center.” At some point my mind changed it to “believe. center, believe. center” on my in breath and out breath. A serenity came over me and I felt completely relaxed. I also intuitively knew I was right where I am supposed to be at this moment in time. I “believed” without question. I was quiet long enough for my soul to come to its own conclusion.
• So I challenge you to turn off all external noise, to quiet yourself and let your mind float wherever it may.  Then come back here and let me know what you discovered!

(“Shadows of Withdrawal” poem written by me, Tamara P.)

 

The Miracle of Music ~ To Heal Mind, Body, & Spirit

Music is curative.  It soothes the soul and quiets the mind.  It awakens the senses and reminds you that you are alive.  It makes the heart sing and the spirit swell.  It can lull you to sleep or jolt you awake. It can be enjoyed alone or with others. It is free.

It is an elixir that has been known to man for millennia… yet we so often forget to utilize this healing tonic!

As soon as I turn on music, I can feel every fiber of my being relax into living.  It does not discriminate me because I am disabled; it reaches out its fingers of cohesive notes to massage all of my senses.  It stirs pleasant memories from the past and teases me with the prospect of creating even more memories in my future.  And, that’s it: to me, music is filled with possibilities.

I’ve recently been reading a powerful book by Paulo Coehlo (author of The Alchemist) with deep purpose.  This book is the chronicle of a woman who lived life fully, and freely.  Unfortunately she died before reaching 30, but one can tell by the interviews in this book that she left an indelible mark on the people she met.  Most of her passion was in experiencing life sensually.  And I don’t mean sexually, I mean by engaging all of her senses, and encouraging others to do the same.  One portal to the divine that she patches into over and over is music, as well as the expression of music, dance.  At first, I felt sad reading her account.  For I was a trained dancer growing up and then danced my way through life until my body could no longer keep up.  If there was music to be heard, my body couldn’t help but physically respond!  I started to feel less than and got stuck in the “woe-is-me’s.” Then I reached an acceptance point.  I can still move my body (maybe not as fluidly as before, but movement is movement!).  And I certainly can remind myself to incorporate music into my daily life.  It has once again, become one of my most important therapies!

Here are the passages that stirred my soul into action:  an excerpt from a conversation between Pavel Podbielski and Athena, the divine female focus of the novel, The Witch of Portobello:

 “Everything moves, and everything moves to a rhythm.  And everything that moves to a rhythm creates a sound.  At this moment, the same thing is happening here and everywhere else in the world.  Our ancestors noticed… [that] things moved and made noise.  The first humans may have been frightened by this at first, but that fear was soon replaced by a sense of awe: they understood that this was the way in which some Superior Being was communicating with them.  In hope of reciprocating that communication, they started imitating the sounds and movements around them – and thus dance and music were born.”

“Yes, when I dance, I’m a free woman, or rather, a free spirit who can travel through the universe, contemplate the present, divine the future, and be transformed into pure energy.”

I find that quote supremely beautiful.  It shows how music has the power to get us in touch with the root of our being, that which is entirely Pure Energy.  We become the people we are meant to be.  Music touches me in such a visceral way, that it’s hard to put in to words.  I read the above passages during the days I was in the throes of my neuropathy situation (see previous posts!).  And I couldn’t imagine how to even begin utilizing the curative force of music, let alone dance.  But, I was both desperate, and open. I had gotten on my stationary bike to gently move and free up my stiffened joints.  I had music on softly and was reading when I realized I needed to just close my eyes and let the music take me to wherever I was meant to go.  I tried to free my mind of thoughts and just listen to the purity of sound, to feel the music resonate in my body. A clear visualization of a chrysalis lying on stones came to me. As I leaned in to inspect, an exotic butterfly emerged, stretching her wings.  She floated up into the air and silently begged me to follow her. With no mind, I discovered that I was gracefully flapping my arms like the wings of the butterfly; each beat a mirror of the music’s tempo.  My journey of flight took me deep within, to the base of my spine, to my root chakra.  I intuitively knew I was completely out of balance, and the power to restore harmony to my body was in my hands and mind alone.  That butterfly, floating on the wings of music, helped me to shift and align each chakra, travelling up and down the spine that just minutes before was in the midst of a spasmodic episode.  But I no longer felt any pain; my body was floating, light as air through the universe, both in the present and in all the time before and yet to come. My journey ended in the middle of my forehead, at my third eye. I visualized what I can only describe as the “Superior Being,” more beautiful and radiant than anything I had ever seen.  We became one, and in that moment, my journey was done.  I opened my eyes, and looked wearily around. My pain was not gone forever, but for the next hour my third eye tingled with life and energy and I felt at one, at peace.

And since this experience, I have been consciously placing music front and center in my days.  I allow my body to move at is able, just like I did when I imitated the graceful path of the butterfly.  It may not be dance in the “traditional” sense, but it is my body harmonizing with sound, which is the purest from of dance.  No matter who you are, with your unique combination of abilities and dis-abilities, you can harness the Miracle of Music!!

~ MUSIC HAS THE POWER TO CREATE “ECSTASY”:  WHICH ORIGINATES FROM THE GREEK AND MEANS, “TO STAND OUTSIDE YOURSELF.”  AND THAT’S THE MIRACLE OF MUSIC TO ME… TO STAND OUTSIDE MY AILING BODY, MY ACHY LIMBS, MY ANXIOUS MIND, MY POST TRAUMATIC THOUGHTS… TO EXPERIENCE FREEDOM, IF ONLY FOR A SONG ~

Curious about the scientific evidence re: the curative powers of music?  Look for more on this topic in my next post . . .

Finding God in a Piece of Beach Glass

I question the presence of God in my life; but it is only because I have shut myself off from accepting his/her messages.  When I am in pain, it’s hard to see clearly through the haze of it!  But after sharing my difficult journey yesterday, people didn’t shy away from my mini-meltdown.  They did the opposite; they embraced me.

And, through it all, I was reminded that I am not going through this alone.  The love of God is by my side always… I just have to look.  So, I started a mission to document “all the ways God presents in my life.”  For me, my God wears skin.  Meaning, God’s loving, healing energy works through the people in my life; they are the messengers.  Many times my God is not a physical person, it is a warm, pulsating, swirling vortex of bright light… a warm embrace, a loving hand, an encouraging nurturer, an energy force that heals me and holds me up.

Recently a friend commented that I am lucky because whatever I wish for, the Universe provides for me.  And my initial reaction was, What? Are you kidding me? Really?!?  All the (perceived) negative experiences in my life flashed before my eyes: illness and pain, loss, financial hardships, inability to have children, never owning a home (or a car younger than 10 years old!), no longer being able to work, the list could go on and on.  But, then a switch went off, and my eyes opened to all the glorious things that have happened in my life; an extremely loving, and supporting partner-husband (of 21 years!); travel; art; friends; my amazing kitty; my nephew; sobriety; empathy for others; an eye for the beauty in life; acceptance; this list, too, goes on and on!  And this is the one I choose to focus on today.  Another friend reminded me that this is my greatest gift… that I do not dwell in the negative, in the things I cannot change.  I look to things that are positive in my life; I change my attitude to one of gratitude.

So, today I’m sharing some beautiful Moments of Grace that have happened in the last few days…

Shining Example #1: Friday night I went with three close girlfriends to a monthly women’s meeting.  At the meeting (after noshing and chatting!) we sat round robin style to discuss a topic.  Tonight’s was “turning our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand God.”  I am not alone with my struggle with this.  Finding this implicit trust in a higher power; knowing and not question that my life is going in the direction it is meant to go.  The conversation was deep and enlightening.  On the way home, the discussion continued.  We were talking about that “intuitive voice” inside each one of us. I was sharing that when I listen to the “one true voice,” I am always guided in the right direction. It’s when I question it, second guess it, or ignore it outright, that I struggle and stumble and fall.  I’ve just finished when my friend says, “Oh, my gosh! Look at the car in front of us!”  Three pairs of eyes looked forward and saw a license plate with just three letters: “G-U-T.”  And I couldn’t help but laugh with happiness… we were following our gut!!

Shining Example #2:  One of the activities I enjoy engaging in is jewelry making.  The meditative task of stringing complimentary natural gemstones is extremely healing.  Recently, I’ve discovered great joy in creating jewelry from our found treasures of polished lake stones and beach glass.  An added bonus is that my husband is my partner in this venture; he helps me search and gather, he tumbles and polishes, he drills.  Well, I wasn’t the only one enamored with this new venture, for all my creations sold out in one week-end sale.  Which leads me to the now… I wanted to make more beach glass jewelry but had depleted my collection, gathered over dozens of years! But, I wanted more now! After appealing to friends to see if they had any caches they were willing to part with (or trade), my husband and I decided to go to the local beach on Lake Ontario just to check.  My expectations weren’t high; I hoped to find a couple useable pieces.  So I decided to focus my energies on the trip to the beach with my husband on a perfectly sunny 80° day and not on the collecting of glass (lowering my expectations…).  Well, as soon as eased off and embraced the now, the Universe listened.  I stood in a sun salutation pose of gratitude and let the waves bring the pieces to me, rather than chasing them down.  We left that day, after a one hour hunt, with almost 100 pieces of sparkling sea glass in shades in frosted white, green, amber, and even a few coveted blues!

Shining Example #3:  Is all of you!  I opened up my soul and showed the world the raw off me yesterday.  Not only did I receive virtual *gentle* hugs (talk about “getting it!”); I got validation (I am not alone!) and support.  I received an unexpected beautiful call from my sister-in-law (“I am not going to attempt to understand.  But I just wanted to call and say, ‘I love you!’”=simply perfect).   And I was given two clear messages that were exactly what I needed in the moment (without me even knowing it).  The first was from a friend who said: “I will psychically take it away by imagining you floating in the cosmos, on a soft cloud with a slight breeze. The faint smell of flowers, and music.”  This has become my new visualization tool for when I need to “travel outside my physical wall of pain.”  And secondly, a friend whom I deeply admire; she travels through her own physical challenges with such strength and grace, said: “one minute at a time. Breath in God, blow out all the yuck.”  This is now the second half of my meditations; the yin to my visual yang.  I love, “breath out the yuck.”  Perfect.

Thank you for shining your Soul Beacon on me so that I may shine my light back to others.

After all that, how can I question that God is working in my life?   I just need to remember to pray each day so that I am an empty vessel waiting to be filled up by the gifts of the Universe.  And not to place any predictive expectations on what these gifts will look like.

“God, please help me to keep my mind clear, my eyes open, my ears hearing, and my heart feeling

so that I can embrace all the ways you are working in my life.”

Embrace the Journey, Not the Destination

The Journey is Your Future… Your Have Already Arrived

So often we have our eyes firmly affixed on the “prize.”  We spend hours, days even, imagining what it will look like, what it will feel like, what it will be like to achieve whatever goal is in our future.   The goal becomes the sole destination:  Welcome to “Pie in the Sky,” U.S.A! 

Yet, what truly happens when we focus all of our energy, thoughts and actions on reaching for this, many times elusive, destination?  We completely lose sight of the journey unfolding right in front of us; blossoming and growing with each step and action we take.  We get so focused on the product of all our hard work, that we can feel depressed by the end result. 

We try to manipulate our lives, our surroundings, people, time; anything that will hopefully contribute to a satisfactory outcome.  We can over analyze ever aspect: if only I had done x, y and z, it would have been better!   We can live in fear of what may happen; setting up contingency plans for all the “possible” outcomes: if A happens, then I’ll do B; but if C happens, I’ll do a combination of B and E; and if P happens, then…  We may feel shame over what happens; falling into the mental trap of the “should ofs,” the “could ofs” and the “wish I hads.”

But what if we decide to do differently?  To stop right now.  Try and focus solely on what is in front of you at this very moment.  So, you’re reading my blog.  Embrace it.  Don’t think about what you’re going to do next, how this blog will serve you in your future, how you would have written it differently, etc.  Just embrace each word and let them settle into your mind and spirit in whatever way they may.

Our one true purpose on this earth is to go with the flow of the process of living… fully: to be completely in the now.  This is what brings true peace.  For most of my life, I spent (and wasted) so much time thinking about the future.  I was always waiting for the other shoe drop, and when it did, I was determined to be prepared!  Then I couldn’t get hurt, right?  Then I would avoid fear and uncomfortable situations.  Then I would I have the power and be in control of my own destiny.  But no one knows their own destiny.  None of us have control over the outcome.

Our futures are already written in the stars!

And instead of feeling a sense over loss over this, look at this as the greatest gift of all.  The gift of freedom.  The gift of letting go.  Permission granted to just live your life and be.

And if this is the case, then why do we expend so much energy trying to manipulate the future?  For me, it started way back in childhood, when I thought my “little self” had the power to make my dad angry or to keep him calm.  So I tipped toed around and tried to constantly be on guard for whatever the future would bring.  And I kept on tip-toeing right into my adulthood.  I measured my actions and behaviors to the people around me, thinking I knew what their reactions were going to be.  I prepared myself for whatever next health challenge would come my way.  I had contingency plans for every “possible” scenario (emphasis on possible!).  I was armed for anything; I was a Girl Scout, after all!

But, all this created was an internal state of constant anxiety.  And when you’re anxious, there is no way to just be… in the moment or with yourself.   Then I was blessed with being shown a different way of living and I decided to do differently.  This has changed my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined!  I now feel truly at peace.  I don’t have to worry about the future, that’s already taken care of.  For me, I know the loving energy of the Universe is guiding me in the direction I am meant to go.  For, you, it may be trust in God’s hands.  Just as long as you believe in some power or force greater than your own.  It’s called “turning your will over.”  When we hold onto to our will, we make ourselves into God.  We think we can control the outcomes, the end product of our hard work.  That’s exhausting!

I read recently that you can think of the word “will” as “faith.”  And in that context, if you think of the phrase “Thy will be done,” it is now transformed into “They faith be done.”  Let go… have faith.  Your life will turn out exactly as it is meant to be.  Stop keeping your eyes on the prize, and instead realize you’ve already received the prize. The gift of life is right here, right now, unfolding before your very eyes.  Each step you take on your journey presents you with an opportunity to be fully present (hmm…sounds a lot like “gift,” doesn’t it?). 

Once you take your foot off the pedal and turn on the cruise control, you are still moving in a forward direction, heading to your life’s goals.  But you can now enjoy the scenery as you drive past it, be focused on the conversation that is occurring with your loved one right in that moment, feel the energy of the radio’s music pouring into your soul.  You are now completely embracing the JOURNEY.

You’re alive… believe in that.  Let go of the idea that the path will lead you to your goal.  The truth is that with each step we take, we arrive.  Repeat that to yourself every morning:

‘I’ve arrived.’

(Excerpt from The Witch of Portabello, by Paula Coehlo)