Shine On, Soul Beacon, Shine On!

I have mentioned in many of my posts the idea that each of us has our own Soul Beacon. This is a concept that came to me organically during a moment of extreme illness.  It was a vision and even more so, a “knowing,” that I felt soon after my first near death experience. I was in a “stripped down state,” mentally, physically and most certainly spiritually.  I felt raw and exposed.  But, in this vulnerable state of being, I opened myself up to being completely vulnerable.  I felt as connected and observant as a child when discovering something new in their environment.  I became aware of the flow of energy between people.

I started to notice that energy exchanges could be both positive and negative; they could either lift one up or drain them entirely.  This was not just a feeling; I actually visually experienced this phenomenon. That insight gave me an intuitive knowledge of human interactions that I hold to this day.  When people exchanged laughter or encouraging words, streams of soothing, white strands of light would connect the interacting parties.  I saw this as a “recharging of the soul.”  It was pure energy, being given and being received.

Conversely, when an exchange was less then pleasant or supportive, there wasn’t a free-flowing exchange of energy. The flow would become heavily one-sided, with one party literally “sucking the life” out of another. This would show itself in forms of jealousy, fear, anger, insecurity, and dominance.

I had a clear vision of a beacon of light.  I saw that each of us is born with a cache of energy.  But just like any form of energy, if it is not recharged (refueled), it will deplete.  And when our energy sources are low, we experience depression, illness, sadness, despair, fatigue, hopelessness, and diminishing spirituality.  Most people respond to this feeling by hoarding the small amount of energy they have left.   We don’t share this energy out of fear of running on empty.  But in that hospital room, I discovered the key to unlocking a never-ending supply of energy.  The key is…

You have to give your energy away in order to receive more for yourself.

Give it away?! Yep.   This is where the concept of a Soul Beacon comes in.  Imagine a lighthouse.  The night is foggy and therefore the beacon’s light source barely reaches beyond its own standing.   Now translate that to the situation I spoke of above.  You’re feeling “foggy” and out of sorts, so you only shine your light source on yourself.  You keep your depleting energy close at hand and do not include anyone else in your circle of light.  Eventually, that circle of light will get smaller and smaller until its hardly providing any energy source for you to face the world.  This is the moment when many want to curl up in a ball and tell the world to go away.

This is when you need to stretch your final energy source far and wide; to imagine that Soul Beacon, seated in the center of your body, stretching its fingers of light to illuminate others paths.  Because this is what happens when you do: that light shines on someone else in need; the receiver is then recharged from this positive exchange and shines their light back onto you.  You will feel your inner beacon growing in strength.  With each positive interaction, the foggy veil of sadness and fear will lift.  You will start to have energy to take that next step, and then another.  And the best part is, while you’re recharging your own energy source, you are also giving that gift to someone else!

Who are you going to illuminate today?

How can you reach out in order to replenish your own light source?

What choices can you make today from a place of compassion and faith whether than from fear and insecurity?

How can you shine your Soul Beacon from heart to heart?

Read the story I wrote of a young girl and an old sage in: It All Began With A Beacon of Hope (click link)

Please share your stories and experiences!

It All Began With a Beacon of Hope

“I feel this little light inside me.”

“That is your Soul Beacon, my child.”

“A beacon?”

“Exactly.  You carry yours with great brightness.  It is how I found you.”

She sits with this thought for a while, twirling a blade of grass. Looking up shyly, she ventures, “I think I understand.  I can feel this glow inside of me, in the deepest pit of my spirit.  And when I think of this light, I can picture a lantern guiding my way through happy times and sad.  Is this like the light you call my Soul Beacon?”

“Why, yes.  Can you imagine why I think of it as something grand such as a beacon instead of a lantern?”

“Well… a lantern usually just lights one person’s path while a beacon can be a light to many.”  She pauses to gather her thoughts.  “And my Soul Beacon, as you say, sometimes feels grand enough to light the entire world, but then other times, it feels weakened.  As if it may even go out.  But, when I use this tiniest bit of energy to reach out to another being, I feel it start to grow again, bringing with it an unknown warmth of serenity.”

“YES.  So wise, yet so young.  Your body belies your true spiritual age.  I shouldn’t be surprised; the spirit is with each of us to see and feel when we are ready.”

His gnarled hand cups the young girl’s with tenderness. “That warmth and glow you feel is your true Life Source.”

“I feel it.  I truly do.”

“I can tell, dear one.  Your Soul Beacon may flicker, but it will never go out.  Many become fearful when they sense the depletion of their Beacon.  Without stopping to reflect on what’s happening, they begin to hoard what little light they have left.  Greed and fear rule their every move.”

“But, that’s no way to live!  How very lonely.”

“Don’t fret; that’s the glory of our Soul Beacons.  You can use your special gift to spread the light to others in need.”

“Gift?”

“Yes.  For without realizing it, you are touching every being you meet.  You are spreading your gift from heart to heart.”

“How do I know if it’s working?”

“The proof is in the result.  Think of someone you’ve met who seemed down and defeated; their energy depleted; their hope lost.”

Looking off at the arriving sunset, she sees the face of the farmer in the blazing riot of reds in the Western sky.  “Yes, I remember now.  I’ve met a farmer who had lost his wife; all he wished was to lie down in his fields and give his life back to the Earth.”

“And do you remember what happened during your visit with this farmer?”

The girl retells the story of her chance encounter with the lonely man.  “As we were talking, I slowly experienced a change in his entire demeanor.  His body began to unfurl from the protectively curled stance I first found him in.  He started to lean in to me instead of away.  Shadows of a smile graced his lips.  And he thanked me for spending some time with him and reminding him of all the reasons he needs to stay here and continuing living, no matter how hard.”

“And, you, how did you feel?”

“Well, I couldn’t understand why he was thanking me.  I hadn’t done much; I just talked with him for a while. I felt like thanking him.  At that moment, I felt beaten down by my journey; I was bone tired and couldn’t see any end in sight.  And then I met the farmer, and my journey had purpose again.  I left with a spring in my step.”

“Young one, when we take our light and shine it on others, they are bathed in our Energy.  Through caring gestures and pure human interaction each of us has the ability to recharge our depleting light sources; our Soul Beacons.”

“So, that’s all it takes?  Just showing some compassion to another being will re-build their energy, recharge their Soul Beacons?”

She pauses and ponders on this.  It still seems so simple.  And then, she sees.  “Ah, it seems like actions we should all be taking naturally.  But, in today’s world, everybody’s heads are down, looking at their own small space.  But, if we look forward, into the eyes of another, we not only validate their existence, we are validating our own!  And, it’s when we feel the most vulnerable and weak, that we have to reach out.  Otherwise, we all are just walking shells of what we are truly meant to be!”

“Now, it’s your job to spread this message from one person to the next as you continue on your journey of life.  The brighter your Soul Beacon becomes, the more people will be attracted to you.  Use this not to gain power over others, but to spread your energy out like a spider web, each tendril touching and igniting a Soul Beacon lying dormant within another.”

“Shine on, young one, shine on.”

Creative Medicine for Pain Relief

One of my Colorful Manadalas

I have discovered that some of the best medicine for pain relief is creativity!  There are so many benefits to engaging in Creative Therapy.  For me, the number one benefit is: distraction.  My mind becomes immersed in the activity at hand and before I know it I am no longer focused solely on my pain. It’s like the physical pain has transferred from my body to the page.  This technique is also extremely helpful in combating emotional and mental pain.  It can help one express the deep, painful feelings that can overwhelm without an outlet for release.  It can help one move towards healing.  Creative Therapy can help reduce stress, anxiety and tension.  I also find this approach deeply meditative; it can lead me into almost a trance state where my calm spirit is separated from my hurting body.  The pain becomes a distant entity.  It allows me to literally take a break from my pain. 

And the best thing is that you can do Creativity Therapy on your own or with a group, for no or little money, and at any time in almost any place (don’t know if I’d try it in the elevator, but you never know!).  If you are more comfortable learning techniques from someone else, there are certified Art Therapists and many cities offer Creative Wellness Centers with classes and open sessions.   Another option is to find a group of like-minded people on Meetup.com or to look into classes available at local churches, community centers or adult-ed classes at local high schools.

But, I want to take a time to explore all the options for doing Creative Therapy in your home.  Don’t get stuck up by saying, “but, I’m not an artist!”  This isn’t about creating “sellable art,” this is about free expression through creative outlets.  There is something for everyone and no one ever has to see your creation if you don’t want them to!  Here are some ideas to get you started…

• Coloring Books!!… I find these extremely soothing.  My favorite are Mandala coloring books from Dover (found for <$5 on Amazon, etc.).  Mandalas have been used for centuries as meditation tools.  After mine are colored, I keep them to stare into when I am feeling stressed or in pain (sample above).
  

  “Sacred Place”
  Collage

• Collaging… rip up pictures in old magazines and glue them onto a larger sheet of craft paper.  I love to collage “vision boards” ofthings I hope to achieve in my future, of things that make me happy (sunsets, babies, waterfalls) or of placesI’d like to visit.  You can make “word boards,” random collages, or collages that form a larger picture (like my “Sacred Place” ex.)
• Knitting or crocheting… there are even weaving circles (at craft stores) for beginners that create a finished scarf!
• Cross-Stitch or Latch Hook… with so many ready-made designs to choose from.
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  My Tasty Gluten Free Fruit Tart

  Cooking or Baking… yes, this is a creative activity, too!  Make something just for the heck of it.  I find this option very Zen; I spend thoughtful, purposeful time creating a visually appealing dish only to have it devoured soon after. Talk about a lesson on impermanence!

• Gardening… create a pretty combo pot for your deck, porch or sunny window.
• “Scratch-Off Books”… you can find these at the craft store; there are images hidden beneath black that you scratch away with the provided tool to uncover scenes beneath.
• Zen-Tangles!… an awesome, new take on doodling.  Look for books online or in the library to get you started. Once you pick up a few different patterns, all you need is a sharpie and a notepad to create interesting, engaging, repetitive pieces anywhere.

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  Zentagles Samples

  

  Combo Pot from our Deck

  

  Fimo Clay Panda

  
  
• Card Making… make cards with any of the techniques above and then spend a little time writing a personal note to a friend, loved one, or even yourself!
• Photography… a great way to get you out in nature and become mindful about your surroundings.
• Simple Beading… string a pattern of beads on elastic or “memory wire” to create a meditation mala/bracelet (say a mantra for each bead as you “travel” around your wrist).
• FiMo… PlayDough for adults!  Roll and shape into abstract or formed designs and then bake them.
• Decoupage… buy a cheapy cardboard trinket box at the craft store and use ModPodge to paste on collage pictures. Coat with an extra layer of ModPodge to seal.
• Origami… I love trying to reach my life long goal of a “1000 Cranes for Peace”

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  My Buddha Decoupage Box

  

  My Crane Chain

  

  Sample Bracelet of Mine

  
  

PHEW!!!! Now pick just one and indulge your creative self today!  Then let me know how it felt and if you have any other ideas to share!

Here’s another blogger’s take on Creativity and Emotional Expression : http://myfibrotasticlife.wordpress.com/2013/09/10/the-importance-of-outlets-to-express-emotions/

It’s Been One of Those Weeks!

It’s been one of those weeks months years!!

I’m in a melancholy frame of mind.  Each day I awake expecting a different return on my daily investment.  And each day it has played out the same story: beginning with hopefulness, ending in defeat.  Yet, I keep getting up and trying again… One Day at a Time.

I can trace this defeatist attitude back to the beginning of last week; the unofficial end of summer, Labor Day.  It’s that time of year when fall ushers in a season of transition, rest and reflection.  My husband and I were struck by the lack of memories created this past summer.  We were overwhelmed by a year that had contained one “loss” after another.  No, it wasn’t a traumatic year (health wise); we’ve certainly have had our share of those.  But in its mundaneness, it almost felt worse.  We felt we truly had nothing to show for the past nine months of “just getting by.”

It’s been a year of “take-aways.”  It has felt like we have been punished, our privileges revoked, for actions we didn’t commit.   We’ve had to accept one “reality of life” after another, with no reprieve.  After five years (!) of a pending lawsuit against the medical providers that ignored my acute symptoms resulting in a ruptured colon, sepsis lasting two weeks, and culminating in the infamous words, “You have a 10% chance of making it through the surgery. You need to say goodbye to your husband,” we were told we had to drop the case.  That there was no doubt the evidence showed clear negligence on the doctor’s part (they even admitted to such in deposition!), but my multiple underlying conditions muddied the waters so much that a jury would be hard pressed to agree on a guilty verdict (and we would be out upwards of $200,000 for even trying).  Hence, Loss #1: no chance of financial security for you two!  Then, just mere months later, we were informed by my GYN that we should never, ever, ever attempt to get pregnant, because doing so would result in a 95% chance of death (for both myself and the fetus).  Major Loss #2: life-long hope, wish, most-certain dream, dashed.   And this cycle of loss has continued; punishments administered just by the sheer fact that I am sick.  They haven’t all been so big and life-altering, but the small punches knock you down over time just the same.

It’s also been a year of “give-aways.”  Unfortunately, not like the Prize Patrol kind, but the bill man’s at the door requesting you give-away all your money kind!  Every time we’ve accumulated a small nest egg to take a trip or do something “normal” (like go out to dinner), we’ve been hit by another unexpected financial necessity: the cat’s been sick, the van’s been sick, my feet are sick and need new soles, on and on!  Thankfully we’ve been able to cover these excessive, unexpected expenses, but it’s also left the cookie jar empty… not even a crumb for a desperate late night snack.   I’m feeling this so markedly in this time and space, because it is now, today, that we were supposed to be on our vacation to Cape Cod; our “healing respite” we called it.  Yet, one more thing we looked forward to for months that we had to forsake, just to get by in the living present.

And, that’s it… the only thing certain in my life is The Present: this very moment in front of me.  My husband bemoans that we should never plan anything, we just have to cancel it anyways.  And, to some extent, I agree.  It’s extremely discouraging to get your hopes up only to have them dashed down over and over again.  It’s one hell-ride of a roller coaster.  But, I can’t go through life without having dreams.  At the same time, it’s a stark reminder to live and enjoy each present moment, regardless of what you are looking forward to on the horizon.  Sometimes, we have our heads stuck so far up in the clouds, we forget to enjoy the amazing scenery beneath our feet.

I admit; I’ve been in a funk.  I know that we all have to make sacrifices, with the hope that the future will be brighter. But, and I guess this is where my P.T.S.D. comes in to play; I’ll get scared that there won’t be a “next time.”  I’ve lost so much time, so many years, to being on my death bed sick that I get fearful when time passes me by that could have been filled with larger than life living.   People will often say, “well, none of us know when our time will come; I could get hit by a car tomorrow!”  Yes, that’s true.  But, let’s face; most people don’t have a clock ticking down at rapid speed, like those of us with severe chronic illness.  We live with our mortality every day.

This “Debbie Downer attitude” has kept me from blogging recently.  Yet, it feels cathartically healing to write this all out on page and share it with you.  And it has helped to refocus my intentions.  I may not be communing with the seals of Cape Cod right now, but I am communing with all of you.  And I am grateful to be fully alive, and fully present in this very moment.

Cultivate a Garden of Hope

We each possess a ripe environment in which to cultivate our own Garden of Hope; but is up to you to ensure that the soil of your soul is fertile ground for your garden to grow successfully.  Like “acceptance,” “hope” doesn’t just happen. You don’t wake up one day and announce, “I am Hopeful!” It is a daily practice; it takes time. And just like a garden, it needs to be nurtured, fed and cherished.

Life and its circumstances can clog our garden with weeds and debris. All it takes is one solid shake of a tree, rattling our core foundation, to scatter leaves to all corners, disguising the Garden of Hope that lies beneath. In times like these, it is wise to call on external support to clean up your garden, to lift up your spirit. Hope isn’t a solitary pursuit.  Hope is meant to be shared and to be received.

So how do you cultivate this Garden of Hope?  It starts with just one seed, sowing your mind with little daily reminders of Hope.  Overtime, these individual experiences start to reseed the soil, creating clusters of Hopeful memories.  Hope becomes exponential.  The more you practice Hope, the more Hope grows.  And the best fertilizer to help your Hope blossom is a generous dose of Gratitude.

Hope and Gratitude go hand in hand.  Anytime you are feeling overwhelmed, clogged with the weeds of Doubt, Worry, Fear, Anger, and Apathy, think of just one thing that you are grateful for that day. Most often that one thought leads to another thought, and then another… until you picking poppies rather than stinging nettle!

Here are additional ideas for incorporating gratitude into your daily practice:

• Write an “A-Z Gratitude list” with one grateful reminder to match each letter (ex: A=Asha, my cat; B=Babies, like my awesome nephew; C=Colorful sunsets; D=Dave, my always supportive hubby; E=Enjoying a book in the hammock; etc.)
• Write a Retro-Gratitude List, travel forward 10 years from now and then look back at your life today and all the things you felt blessed to have had in 2013.  Many times we miss moments of gratitude and grace in our daily living. Remind yourself of all the unexpected gifts you received, friendships formed, risks taken, challenges met, times spent with loved ones, etc. Start with the basics: “I lived in this amazing apartment/house I loved at (location).”
• Make a list of all the ways “God showed him/herself in your life today.” As you experience moments of grace, gifts of support and friendship, opportunities for hope or growth, or periods of peace, jot them down. Or it may be more symbolic, “signs” that God is working in your life.
• Create a Gratitude Grab-Jar: As you experience feelings of gratitude, write them down on a small piece of paper and stick them in a jar.  Then you’ll have reminders to pull out during times you are feeling less than grateful!
• List all the things you can do in your life (regardless of physical, mental, financial or time constraints) that bring you a grateful heart. For me it’s: listening to music, meditating, taking a short walk, sitting in my backyard, petting my cat, reading a book just for pure entertainment purposes, enjoying a dark piece of chocolate. This is another list to resource during times of sadness or stress.
• Think of all the people in your life you are grateful for; make your own catalog of angels.   List both people in your present circle but also those who are no longer in your life.  For me, some of my biggest supporters and champions have passed away, but I know their spirits still watch over and protect me.  Other people were in my life for short periods but the impact they made is ever-lasting (like a caring nurse).
• Start a “3 Good Things” daily list: at the end of each day write down “the three things you are grateful for” or “three good things that happened to you that day.”

These exercises will help you cultivate a Hopeful Heart; something you’ll carry inside of you always, like a soothing secret.  Once you have created your own flourishing Garden of Hope, you can then visit it anytime to pick a bouquet of flowers. And, when doesn’t a handful of fresh, bright flowers make any situation seem brighter?!

“Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in your soul

And sings the tune, without words

And never stops — at all.”

(Emily Dickinson)