I question the presence of God in my life; but it is only because I have shut myself off from accepting his/her messages. When I am in pain, it’s hard to see clearly through the haze of it! But after sharing my difficult journey yesterday, people didn’t shy away from my mini-meltdown. They did the opposite; they embraced me.
And, through it all, I was reminded that I am not going through this alone. The love of God is by my side always… I just have to look. So, I started a mission to document “all the ways God presents in my life.” For me, my God wears skin. Meaning, God’s loving, healing energy works through the people in my life; they are the messengers. Many times my God is not a physical person, it is a warm, pulsating, swirling vortex of bright light… a warm embrace, a loving hand, an encouraging nurturer, an energy force that heals me and holds me up.
Recently a friend commented that I am lucky because whatever I wish for, the Universe provides for me. And my initial reaction was, What? Are you kidding me? Really?!? All the (perceived) negative experiences in my life flashed before my eyes: illness and pain, loss, financial hardships, inability to have children, never owning a home (or a car younger than 10 years old!), no longer being able to work, the list could go on and on. But, then a switch went off, and my eyes opened to all the glorious things that have happened in my life; an extremely loving, and supporting partner-husband (of 21 years!); travel; art; friends; my amazing kitty; my nephew; sobriety; empathy for others; an eye for the beauty in life; acceptance; this list, too, goes on and on! And this is the one I choose to focus on today. Another friend reminded me that this is my greatest gift… that I do not dwell in the negative, in the things I cannot change. I look to things that are positive in my life; I change my attitude to one of gratitude.
So, today I’m sharing some beautiful Moments of Grace that have happened in the last few days…
Shining Example #1: Friday night I went with three close girlfriends to a monthly women’s meeting. At the meeting (after noshing and chatting!) we sat round robin style to discuss a topic. Tonight’s was “turning our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand God.” I am not alone with my struggle with this. Finding this implicit trust in a higher power; knowing and not question that my life is going in the direction it is meant to go. The conversation was deep and enlightening. On the way home, the discussion continued. We were talking about that “intuitive voice” inside each one of us. I was sharing that when I listen to the “one true voice,” I am always guided in the right direction. It’s when I question it, second guess it, or ignore it outright, that I struggle and stumble and fall. I’ve just finished when my friend says, “Oh, my gosh! Look at the car in front of us!” Three pairs of eyes looked forward and saw a license plate with just three letters: “G-U-T.” And I couldn’t help but laugh with happiness… we were following our gut!!
Shining Example #2: One of the activities I enjoy engaging in is jewelry making. The meditative task of stringing complimentary natural gemstones is extremely healing. Recently, I’ve discovered great joy in creating jewelry from our found treasures of polished lake stones and beach glass. An added bonus is that my husband is my partner in this venture; he helps me search and gather, he tumbles and polishes, he drills. Well, I wasn’t the only one enamored with this new venture, for all my creations sold out in one week-end sale. Which leads me to the now… I wanted to make more beach glass jewelry but had depleted my collection, gathered over dozens of years! But, I wanted more now! After appealing to friends to see if they had any caches they were willing to part with (or trade), my husband and I decided to go to the local beach on Lake Ontario just to check. My expectations weren’t high; I hoped to find a couple useable pieces. So I decided to focus my energies on the trip to the beach with my husband on a perfectly sunny 80° day and not on the collecting of glass (lowering my expectations…). Well, as soon as eased off and embraced the now, the Universe listened. I stood in a sun salutation pose of gratitude and let the waves bring the pieces to me, rather than chasing them down. We left that day, after a one hour hunt, with almost 100 pieces of sparkling sea glass in shades in frosted white, green, amber, and even a few coveted blues!
Shining Example #3: Is all of you! I opened up my soul and showed the world the raw off me yesterday. Not only did I receive virtual *gentle* hugs (talk about “getting it!”); I got validation (I am not alone!) and support. I received an unexpected beautiful call from my sister-in-law (“I am not going to attempt to understand. But I just wanted to call and say, ‘I love you!’”=simply perfect). And I was given two clear messages that were exactly what I needed in the moment (without me even knowing it). The first was from a friend who said: “I will psychically take it away by imagining you floating in the cosmos, on a soft cloud with a slight breeze. The faint smell of flowers, and music.” This has become my new visualization tool for when I need to “travel outside my physical wall of pain.” And secondly, a friend whom I deeply admire; she travels through her own physical challenges with such strength and grace, said: “one minute at a time. Breath in God, blow out all the yuck.” This is now the second half of my meditations; the yin to my visual yang. I love, “breath out the yuck.” Perfect.
Thank you for shining your Soul Beacon on me so that I may shine my light back to others.
After all that, how can I question that God is working in my life? I just need to remember to pray each day so that I am an empty vessel waiting to be filled up by the gifts of the Universe. And not to place any predictive expectations on what these gifts will look like.
“God, please help me to keep my mind clear, my eyes open, my ears hearing, and my heart feeling
so that I can embrace all the ways you are working in my life.”