Indecisiveness is the killer of inspiration. At times, I can be so clear with my intent that I do not question the “why?” And at others still, I will find myself waffling and waffling to the point where I am no longer clear about anything: what I like or want to do or how I am going to do it. I have forgotten the skills I have nurtured.
When I am debating between two paths in front of me, I concentrate on my center and listen to the intuitive voice within. Some call this the “voice of God” while others feel more comfortable defining it as the “voice of their soul.” Either way, it does not steer me wrong. I have consciously practiced decisiveness over the last couple years and have found great success and satisfaction in this approach.
What does “this voice” sound like, you may be wondering? For me, and many others I have contemplated this topic with, it is always the first answer I hear. My soul, through the grace of God and the Universe, knows the right step to take. It’s my over rationalizing, over-thinking, fearful mind that muddles the thought. Upon practice, you will discover that there is always a clear voice that speaks from within. But you have to be open to hearing it, and then, even more importantly, open to receiving it.
Fast forward to today, and I find myself falling back on old, unproductive habits. I hear that voice and quickly think right over it… to the point where the original intention is lost and I am left a confused mess. For example, I am contemplating taking another art course. I just completed my first “formal” art course since freshman year in college (!) and want to capitalize on the confidence and skills it gave me, by continuing to move forward. I was strongly encouraged to continue my pursuit and that I could take a number of intermediate/advanced classes that would provide me with the tools to refine my style.
Not knowing what the best next class would be, I brought in a sample portfolio of my works to get the advice of the instructor. But if I want to be completely honest with myself, I did not want the “responsibility” of choosing the next class; for fear that it would not be an accurate fit. Where does this fear come from? A lot of it is financial. These classes cost upwards of $265! I would be eligible for a scholarship; but only my first class would be a fully covered, after that, it would be partial scholarships. And, as us chronically ill know all too well, time and energy are precious commodities! I don’t want to “waste” them on the wrong course. Argh! The pressure!!
There are many typical fear based reactions that can keep us from trusting our one, true intuitive voice. I think we can all identify with financial insecurity throwing a monkey wrench into our confident, decisive selves. We can fear making the “wrong” choice and either not enjoying what we chose, or, even worse, “missing out” on the other,
better option. We can be stifled by fear of failure or of trying something new and outside of our comfort zones. Often, we are afraid of change; even if the present situation is not ideal (and even harmful to our mind, bodies or spirit), it is the comfortable. And we like comfortable, the known. We can be paralyzed by thoughts of what others will think of our choice, or by comparing ourselves. We can be afraid of failure. We can be afraid of wasting time, money, energy. . .
And then I hear my friend’s voice saying… “YOU MUST FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY.”
Many of us have “trust issues,” and asking ourselves to trust our inner voice can feel like a huge gamble. I know from experience that it does feel uncomfortable at first; because it is not the way we have typically done things in the past. But whenever a decision is made based on faith rather than fear, you are always going in the direction intended.
It does not mean that every choice you make from a place of faith and trust turns out like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! There are times where I have listened to my intuitive voice and have faced challenges, pain, loss, and hurt because of the choice I made. But, in the end, I have always discovered there was a greater reason why I had to go through that experience.
So, I need to get quiet; because right now I am so twisted into knots over the simple choice of what class to take, that I have lost my intuitive, creative self. And this waffling has poured over into all areas of my life, to the point where I feel stuck in a mire of indecisiveness… constantly questioning myself about what choice is the right one and then feeling fearful afterwards that I made the wrong choice. I am in over-thinking mode. I am a computer about to overheat and shut down.
So these are the steps I am going to take right now…
- Turn off all external stimuli
- Quiet my mind and my body through some deep, cleansing breaths
- Say a prayer of intention: “Please let my mind, heart and soul be open to receiving the messages you have to give. May I not question my one, true intent. May I trust in the messages I receive and may I have the faith to face my fears and insecurities. May I embrace all the opportunities that come my way.”
- Then I will repeat a series of cleansing breaths and clear my mind.
- I will pose the question to the answer I currently seek.
- And then I will just listen.
- I will let the first thought that enters my mind grow in shape and size.
- If other thoughts start to intrude, I will observe, describe and let them go (for example; “I am feeling fear about making the wrong choice and wasting my scholarship money.”)
- I will put my hand over my heart and remind myself that I am loved and cared for.