As an autoimmune-gal, my body does not like repetitive activities. Of any kind. Yet, I can so easily forget this! Or, perhaps, it’s just that my mind hopes that this time will be different.
Well, blogging is one of those times! I’ve gone a little gung-ho, caught up in the wave of excitement, the pulse of camaraderie with fellow bloggers. It’s a heady mix, and I’ve been sticking my head in full-on to breathe in its intoxicating scent.
Then two days ago, as I am readying for bed, I notice my middle finger is swollen, painful, deeply bruised, and “stuck” at a 45° angle. Oh, well must of bumped it, my mind rationalizes, thinking, I’m sure it will be better by tomorrow.
Yesterday arrives and my finger is in fact less swollen and discolored (albeit, slightly). But as the day wore on and the symptoms only got worse, my finger throbbed in a constant reminder that I needed to face facts: the repetition of typing and computing has sent my joint into a dangerous arthritic flare. Even though this digit was on my non-dominant hand, as I returned to the laptop last night, I discovered I use it for almost all my left hand typing as well as my “scrolling-finger.” Oops.
Once again, I found myself standing at the Crossroads of Acceptance:
I could, one, continue on the Path of Denial (To heck with the consequences!)
Or, two, sit down right where I am, cross my arms across my chest defiantly, and vehemently shake my head: “NO! I don’t want to choose a path; I want to stay on the straight ahead like a ‘normally-abled’ person!”
And, then there’s option three: take the new path, the detour on my intended journey. Remind myself that each new twist and turn in my way has afforded me an opportunity to learn something new about myself. Today, I’ve learned that I don’t have to hold this pain, fear, and worry alone. I can share it with all of you- those who are part of my support team, those who are struggling with similar issues, those with spiritual hope and guidance to share. . .
And, that’s when I remembered: practicing the Art of Acceptance is a gift not a curse!
No, the sky may not be the limit for me. But, instead of focusing on heading in one constant, forward direction, my determined eye on the prize, with no acceptance of anything “less,” I am able to travel sideways and down wards and back up again. This affords me vistas of the entire expanse of sky; and a better understanding of the all of me, both my strengths and my limitations.
One positive thing about have an ever-changing disease is that it is an ever-changing disease. Today, I need to limit my time on the computer, but that’s just for today. Tomorrow, the wind will blow a different way (or even more apt, the barometric pressure will shift!) and I’ll have to adjust my sails. But, at least, I’ll never have a “stagnant” life… mine is an evolving landscape in a constantly flowing river, sometimes rapids, sometimes tranquil pools, but never the same, that’s for sure!
I don’t have to stop what I enjoy, in this case, continuing this blog. I just need to re-adjust my expectations. “Lowering your expectations to meet your standards,” may sound like acquiescing. But, for me, it is just knowing my own truth. And honoring the person I am, without judgment.
I have a lot to offer this world and so do you! We may just do it in an altered way. And, what’s so wrong with that? To be an individual carving out a pathway that suits you: Now that’s acceptance of all that you are and all that you can do.
“I accept the all of me.”